Conspiracy Theories on a Sinking Ship

If the ship were really sinking, we would be going down; we are going up.
The ship isn't sinking; Bill Gates just wants us dead.
Look at all the sheep running to the lifeboats.
The media makes you think the ship is sinking.
The government has put a chip in the lifebuoy; you must not use it!
What nonsense, I can swim, right?